I Have Anxiety, And I'm Okay With It.

So, for the longest time I have been dealing with anxiety. At first it started with social anxiety. As I explained in one of my previous posts, I refused to talk to people and it was hard for me to make new friends and meet new people. Eventually though, it turned into something more. Suddenly I would wake up in the morning and it was like I was slammed into a wall of anxiety. It was hard for me to get out of bed. Sometimes it still is.

When it came to telling my parents, it was a little hard. They immediately thought I was being dramatic, questioning what I could possibly be anxious about. Even after I was diagnosed and put on medication, my parents still doubted me. It wasn't until I had a week straight of panic attacks that they suddenly realized the full extent of anxiety, and my anxiety. I called them multiple times a day as my body was rocked with waves of panic. My entire body was shaking, my legs and arms completely numb. I didn't know why I was like this, or what my body was reacting to, but whatever it was made my parents realize I was truly struggling with anxiety.

I think that is when it truly hit me too. That week of panic was the first time I experienced something like that, and it terrified me. Eventually, I found an amazing therapist who helped me come to terms with everything. I was really embarrassed about what I went through. My roommates, friends, family, and significant other witnessed me fully breaking down. I wanted to hide from everyone what I was struggling with. My therapist showed me that in the long run, that would not help me.

Eventually, I came to terms with what I was going through. I knew what I was going through was a chemical imbalance in my body, and subconsciously I let it affect me when it comes to certain things. I find ways to work through it though. Whenever I feel myself slipping into a panic/anxiety attack I try to take a step back and focus on my breathing. If it doesn't work, I then shock my system by throwing myself into an ice cold shower. On regular days or nights when I feel my anxiety creeping up on me, I try to once again focus on my breathing, I find a distraction, or I list things in my head that make me happy and calm.

When it came to others opening up about their anxiety experience, I was shocked to find that not many were comfortable as I was. From what I have heard from others, anxiety in society is something to be shunned. I really think it shouldn't be. There is nothing wrong with being a little nervous in life. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't make sense and can be irrational, but its a body reaction that with time can be controlled. Having anxiety does not make a person any weaker, and no one should feel ashamed about opening up and talking to someone about it. Don’t hide what you are going through, open up, you would be surprised at the help you would receive. It’s okay to have anxiety, trust me, I live with it.

So this is me, Kate, telling you I have anxiety, and I’m proud to admit it.